Parent Education
					Rose's Discussion Group: Self-Esteem-Building Blocks for a Successful Life      Learning how to foster self-esteem in our children is an important lifelong task, one that will be, perhaps our most important gift and legacy to our children. It is the foundation for everything that they will experience as they go through all the trials and tribulations of academic personal and social success. Self esteem will determine how well they do in school, what kinds of friends they choose, and how they will relate to their relationships. Rose's definition of self-esteem is "the inner voice that is inside of us and is not dependent on the outside pressure or influence. It's how we value ourselves independently of the impression we are making on people. Ultimately, our self-esteem comes from the lifetime of feedback we experience as well as the successes and failures we are subjected to.      How do children have high self-esteem? Partly, parents with high self-esteem raise children to have high self-esteem. Building self-esteem starts from day one (and probably before) when we validate our baby's feelings and respond to their needs quickly and appropriately and lovingly. Part of building self-esteem is setting limits that are fair, firm and consistent. Related to self-esteem, validating our children's feelings, both positive and negative, teaches them that they are important, valuable and cared for. Validating their feelings, however, does not mean accepting their negative behavior-it only means that we accept their feelings. Another aspect of building self-esteem is assessing your child's readiness in doing age appropr9iate tasks and social situations. When we help them when their level of frustration is too high, we also teach them coping strategies and that it is okay for them to try again later without feeling a sense of shame.      A common problem that we as parents share is learning how to deal with our children's anger and saying no without worrying about "depriving them" or labeling their misbehavior. For example, we all know the feeling when our child wants something every time we go shopping and we wonder do we indulge their every wish, or do we set limits (without feeling guilty)? However uncomfortable they may be, we need to keep reminding ourselves that temper tantrums are healthy. As we are all aware, we get to deal with our own childhood and family issues with our children as we try to be good parents. The more we can identify our own blind spots as parents, the more effective we can be in disengaging ourselves from power struggles or troublesome situations. Ultimately, the better we are at not getting our egos "hooked," the safer our children will feel to experience their feelings and move more smoothly through developmental stages.